pill doesn't work
BOOOOOOOOOO
This is kind of a TMI moment, but for the past five months I've been taking a different birth control pill from the one that I used to be on years ago. I used to use it to treat extremely heavy menstrual flow, but realized that it also somewhat helped with emotional regulation, especially when the COVID-19 pandemic shut everything down. I'm on a different pill now because my insurance won't cover the pill that I took before, but I'm starting to notice in the week leading up to my period that it doesn't do what it's supposed to.
After I stopped taking the first pill due to moving out of state and being on a new insurance, I realized that I was becoming increasingly depressed and even near-suicidal in the week leading up to my period, so I called my doctor and asked about getting a prescription, but mentioned that affordability was a problem.
I'm on a new pill now, but I've noticed that it doesn't work the way it's supposed to. Actually, sometimes it feels like it doesn't work at all. Especially last week, I got triggered (in the PTSD sense, fuck you 4channies for ruining PTSD conversations forever), and accidentally exploded on my roommates. We're not on speaking terms. Treating them the way I did can't be excused by medication or mental illness or a lack of either, but it feels so frustrating when everyone gets mad that my mental illnesses (depression and PTSD) causes me to act the way I do, but then nobody tries to make the system any better. It feels like I only get a hormonal pill slapped into my face because the depression just so happens to coincide with and is worsened by premenstrual symptoms.
I love having a uterus and living with a white, patriarchal and sexist medical system. It makes my life so easy and I have never wanted to end it once even though I really don't. /s