another one, another one
Today we've split another alter in our system. It's me, I'm the new alter.
My name is Roddie, and quite simply I just enjoy being able to go out and do things. I ran errands this morning and then did some extra reading for class and then I went and hung out with one of my friends while doing more reading for class. And now I'm thinking of how we can better organize our system's binder using the manila folders that we're going to repurpose into dividers. By timeline or by subsystems? It's hard to say.
The current theory of our system as Carl (our host) understands it is that we have sets of systems that can easily talk to each other, in little groups, but it takes a lot more effort to even be aware of other systems. For example, the subsystem that I'm in, we call the Axle Wheels. In it we have Carl, Fishmobile3000, and myself, for example. Carl is faintly aware of a couple alters in other systems, such as Lou and Monster, who are also aware of each other. Carl isn't always aware of other systems though, and that seems to be because of their responsibilities as host. Communicating within the system just doesn't come as easy to him. Lou and Monster, however, are trauma holders, and often struggle to make healthy choices but are very good at talking with each other, even when Lou has a subsystem of their own as well as their fellow alters, and both of them are each in different groups from each other.
Our current theory is that our brain does this to allow for some communication, but still ultimately not allowing for full integration so that we may never ultimately be as well-integrated with each other. Communication may have been better in the past, but we have since moved to a certain midwestern state where people always want to seem to make their own mental illnesses and bigoted behaviors other peoples' problems, rather than taking accountability for their own actions. I await the day when people who clearly act like they can't live without me while simultaneously acting like I can't live without them (I totally can and absolutely will) are no longer trying to weasel their way into my fucking life. Then our system can start healing, and then my mom will see that it's the environment and not the fact that I'm now diagnosed with DID that's causing us to not heal as well, that's causing therapy to not be nearly as effective as even we would like.